


imagine being loved by me

by hollyhobbit101



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, POV Yasmin Khan, Pining, Yasmin Khan Loves the Thirteenth Doctor, thirteen is clueless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 14:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19770226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: The Doctor kisses her for the first time on an alien planet.It should be nothing. Indeed, the Doctor brushes it off as such, claiming it's something she's always done when she gets excited. But, for Yaz, it feels as though her entire world has shifted on its axis, as though something very fundamental has changed.She touches her lips, still tingling with the ghost of memory, and thinks,This is what love is.





	imagine being loved by me

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Talk by Hozier

This is how it starts:

The Doctor takes them to a galaxy where the stars constantly shift, where, if you listen closely, you can hear them singing and laughing. Yaz can't believe such a place could possibly exist but, with the Doctor, she's learnt to believe that the impossible is the most likely to be true.

When they get there, the Doctor rushes to the doors first. "Just to be sure," she says. "Don't want it ending up like last time, eh?"

Last time, Yaz recalls, they had accidentally ended up in the middle of a Roman gladiator fight instead of safely parked in the middle of the Purple Forest of the planet Kormalay, or whatever it was called. Ryan had almost gotten his head taken off before Graham had dragged him back inside, yelling at the Doctor to get them out of there.

They never did get to see the Forest.

The doors are flung open, and for a moment the Doctor is just a silhouette, a bright light framing her body. Yaz's breath catches in her throat and she barely hears Ryan asking if it was safe to look.

The Doctor must have said something in response because the next moment, Yaz is rudely shoved out of her reverie as Ryan and Graham barge past. She blinks in surprise, but she barely has time to get herself together before they're all shouting at her to get over to the door. The Doctor makes room for her when she finally manages to move and Yaz feels her cheeks heat at the warm smile she sends her way. She clears her throat and tries to focus on the galaxy - the Doctor was right, it really is beautiful - but she's painfully aware of the Doctor's body pressing against her own. Yaz chances a glance backwards and immediately the same feeling she'd had before washed over her. The stars were reflected in the Doctor's eyes, and her face was fixed in an expression of utter wonder, lips parted and curved into a smile of joy. Yaz doesn't know how long the Doctor's been travelling for, but she has the impression that it's been a very long time. She doesn't know how she can still be amazed, given that she must have seen so much already. But. The universe is a very big place, Yaz supposes.

When she thinks back on that day, Yaz only vaguely remembers how beautiful that galaxy was. Most clear in her mind is the Doctor, and the way that Yaz had felt her heart swell as she watched her face glow in the light of a thousand stars.

* * *

After that, things only get worse. Her pulse races whenever she's alone with the Doctor. Her cheeks flush a bright red when the Doctor says her name, or praises her gently. When the Doctor grabs her hand, or even so much as brushes against Yaz, all sensation seems to focus on that one point of contact between them, however momentary.

There's no name for this feeling. It's more than a crush, Yaz is sure of that, but it's not _love_. It can't be _love,_ although Yaz doesn't really know what _love_ would feel like. She hasn't loved anyone before, not in that way.

But everything has changed now, from _before_. Before, Yaz had been happy in her life, with a family she loved and a job she wished she could. Before, Yaz had thought the stars were untouchable for someone like her, and she had been fine with that. Then the Doctor crashed through that train, and suddenly that time paled in comparison to all time.

Perhaps, then, love is exactly what this is.

* * *

The Doctor kisses her for the first time on an alien planet.

They're looking for something that the Doctor says she hid here years ago, something that will help fix whatever's wrong with the TARDIS. Personally, Yaz hasn't noticed anything wrong, but the Doctor insists that the ship is feeling a bit down, so here they are.

"You could at least tell us where to look!" Graham yells, probably frowning, although it's hard to tell with the Pythagoras shades covering his eyes. Yaz laughs at the Doctor's affronted look, her face scrunched up adorably.

"I've told you, it's hidden," she says. "Besides, I've left loads off stuff all over; you can't expect me to remember where all of it is, can you?"

Graham mutters something that Yaz doesn't catch, but he grudgingly goes back to searching. Yaz does the same, but as soon as she steps forward, the ground begins rumbling beneath her, almost knocking her off her feet. She staggers back as the ground splits open where she'd been standing a moment earlier, and _something_ begins rising from the earth. Yaz turns to yell for the others, but sees they're already on their way over, the Doctor leading the charge with her ridiculous coat flapping behind her as she runs.

The Doctor takes one look at the _thing_ Yaz has unleashed, then jumps excitedly, grabs Yaz by the shoulders, and plants a firm kiss on her lips. Yaz barely has time to react before it's over, the memory of the Doctor's lips lingering long after she's turned back to the thing. She touches her fingers to her lips, standing in a stunned silence while the others talk, still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that _the Doctor kissed her_.

She's only pulled back into reality when the Doctor turns to her, smiling at her apologetically. "Sorry about that, Yaz," she says, and Yaz frowns in confusion. _What does she have to apologise for?_

"About the, you know," the Doctor continues, gesturing between the two of them. "I used to do that when I was excited; I didn't even know I still did, thought I'd lost it when I was a Scotsman. Mind you, I was quite grumpy back then, so I suppose it's a change for the better."

She muses over that for a second, during which Yaz manages to pull herself together enough to stop staring. She sticks her tongue out at Ryan, who's smirking knowingly at her, then jumps as the Doctor claps her hands together and hurries off, leaving them little choice but to follow.

"C'mon gang," she calls back brightly. "Lots to do! There's this brilliant little market a couple of galaxies over, you'll love it." She stops suddenly, so that Yaz almost crashes into her. "Just don't touch the pears," she warned, holding a finger up. "Never eat pears, evil little things."

Then she carries on walking, and Yaz lets Ryan and Graham overtake her as she hangs back a moment. A fond smile plays at her lips and heat swells in her chest as her heart threatens to burst out of love as she watches the Doctor. She touches her lips again and closes her eyes, replaying that moment in her head until it almost feels real again.

_So this is what love is._

* * *

Later, when the TARDIS has been fixed (Yaz thinks it has, anyway; the Doctor has at least stopped banging on the controls) and Ryan and Graham have gone for a lie down, she nervously approaches the Doctor in the control room. She's got her back to Yaz, and appears to be talking to the TARDIS in hushed tones, hands resting lightly on the columns. Yaz smiles fondly, then clears her throat. The Doctor jumps and turns to face her, grinning widely when she sees Yaz.

"Yaz!" she says. "You alright?"

Yaz nods and moves to stand beside the Doctor. "Is everything fixed now?" she asks, gesturing around the room.

"Yeah," she says. "She just needs some time to rest, that's all."

Yaz hums, then takes a deep breath, turning to face the Doctor. "I love you, Doctor," she says.

The Doctor looks at her and smiles. "Love you too, Yaz," she says cheerfully, then goes back to studying the TARDIS. Yaz almost screams in frustration, but forces herself to remain patient.

"No, Doctor," she corrects gently. "I _love_ you."

The Doctor frowns, nonplussed, so Yaz rolls her eyes and kisses her. It doesn't last long, but the Doctor looks almost as shocked as Yaz felt earlier when they pull apart.

"Oh," she says, realisation eventually dawning on her. "You mean..."

Yaz nods. "Yeah."

"Oh."

They stand in silence, Yaz's heart threatening to beat out of her chest as she waits for the Doctor to respond. Dread begins to fill her as she wonders if she's managed to mess everything up, if the Doctor's going to tell her to leave. Surely she wouldn't... But Yaz doesn't know, she doesn't _know_ -

"You'd think I'd have learned by now." The Doctor's voice breaks the silence, pondering. Yaz frowns, looking at her anxiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." The Doctor shrugs. "Maybe I love you too, Yaz."

Yaz's eyes widen and she feels her heart beat just that little bit faster. "What?" she asks, breathless.

"I mean, I think I do. Maybe. Probably. Yes, definitely. I think -"

Yaz shakes her head and cuts off the Doctor's rambles by kissing her again. And, this time, the Doctor kisses her back. Yaz smiles against her lips and she dares to hope that this could work. That, maybe, just maybe, she can love the Doctor, and the Doctor can love her, too.


End file.
